HOW TO TACKLE LONELINESS?

Staying connected with the wider world, and avoiding feelings of stress, isolation, and loneliness can be a challenge at the best of times. For many of us being stuck at home by ourselves seems to have become the new-normal.

Here’s some BetterHelp tips to try and keep everything in perspective and to help get you through however long this period of uncertainty continues for.

Use the technology

Your phone unlocks a world of communication and interaction.

Even if you don’t have friends or family close-by or in the same time-zone, online communication was how we got most things done long before Covid-19 pulled the rug out from our daily lives.

Gaydar – the online dating specialists – are encouraging everyone to #TakeItOnline. You may not be able to go to your local cafe, your local bar, or your local bathhouse… That doesn’t mean that you can’t chat with guys, have a few virtual dates, or join in online chat-rooms to keep yourself entertained during extended periods of enforced isolation.

Don’t beat yourself up about being by yourself or isolated

Covid-19 is a virus. It’s not your fault. It’s not anyone else’s fault. We’re all in this together and trying to navigate our way through.

Try not to get angry, upset, or frustrated. Stay calm and focus on the facts.

Obviously, that’s easier to say than to do. If you feel your anxiety rising, try and identify and articulate those emotions. Take a break from what you’re doing. Go for a shower, do some sit-ups, masturbate… Something to take your mind off the frustrations of being isolated.

Don’t self-medicate

When it feels like the world is spinning out of control, it can be tempting to go on a bit of a bender, but that can go badly wrong if you’re by yourself and not in the best head-space.

If you feel yourself heading to a bit of a low-point, drugs or alcohol aren’t going to make you feel better – they’ll only accelerate you spiralling out of control.

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Be proactive – remove the temptations and activate your support networks to help get you back on track.

Staying in is the new going out

What will you post on Instagram if you’re not going out and living it large? Set yourself some challenges to entertain yourself and your followers.

Maybe it’s a make-up look that you’ve been wanting to try? Why not run an online poll about some of your more controversial wardrobe choices? Maybe this is the time to start a fan-subscription channel and unleash your inner-exhibitionist?

Think about what’s making you lonely

It’s important to distinguish being by yourself to feeling alone or lonely. Some people are really happy with their own company, and enjoy a bit of space from the rest of the world, while for others that might leave them feeling isolated and vulnerable.

Try and articulate your emotions and try to pinpoint what might be triggering them. Are you feeling lonely because you don’t see or talk to other people enough? Or are you feeling lonely because you feel that the people around you don’t understand you?

Make new connections

Whatever might be triggering your feelings of loneliness, one of the best ways to tackle it is to take some action. Find ways to interact with people, or find ways to connect with people who might understand you a bit better. This could be joining a community group, taking a class, volunteering with a charity, or joining a sports club. If you’re not feeling confident about meeting people face-to-face, there’s lots of online options.

Open up

One of the weird things about loneliness is that even if you’re surrounded by people, you might still feel lonely. You might be spending time with your family, but if you feel that your family don’t really know you, or don’t really understand what you’re going through or experiencing, then this can feel very isolating.

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The best remedy is to try and find a way to express your feelings. If you can’t connect with anyone in your family, reach out to friends, or online contacts. If that’s not possible, try writing about your emotions, or finding another creative outlet so that you’re not bottling everything up inside.

Take it slow

Don’t expect instant miraculous change. If you’re feeling lonely, it can take a while to work through that – it can take a while for you to build connections with others.

Make small steps. Set yourself small goals to accomplish each day. If you join a chatroom and don’t immediately find someone to talk to, don’t be discouraged – try a different one tomorrow.

Keep trying new things until you find what works for you.

Be careful when comparing yourself to others

Social media platforms – such as Instagram – can be a great way to keep in touch with your friends and to follow other people’s aspirational adventures. It’s important that you’re not comparing yourself to anyone else – especially people on the internet who you’ve never met.

The thing about social media is that most people are presenting the absolute best version of themselves, or the person that they’d like to be. It’s not necessarily what they’re really doing – they don’t always look so glamorous, they don’t always feel so great. Everyone has their highs and lows.

Check how you are feeling

When you’re feeling lonely, or at an emotional low, things can quickly spiral out of perspective.

Try and check-in with yourself. Make notes to try and understand what might be influencing or triggering how you’re feeling. Did you sleep well? Have you eaten? Did you had some exercise? Have you reached out to speak with someone?

Give yourself a checklist of things to do to keep your day on track.

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Get some help

Don’t let your isolation become a barrier that prevents you from asking for help.

If you’re feeling vulnerable, or if you just need some advice or guidance, there’s lots of organisations and helplines out there who you can access by telephone or online.

Just talking to a friend or someone you know can be a big help in staying focused on moving forward and staying connected with the world around you.

Read others’ stories

It can be really helpful to realise that you’re not the only person who struggles with feeling alone or lonely.

There’s lots of blogs and books and podcasts from people talking about their personal experiences, their highs and lows, and how they’ve tried to manage their struggles.

Hearing how other people have tackled things can help to give you confidence that you’re on the right track.

People aren’t mind readers

Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

If you’re looking at your phone and wondering why you’re not being flooded with messages, why not take the first step and reach out to the people that you know?

Is there some way that you can help your friends and family?

Covid-19 doesn’t have to make us all victims, but it does mean we’ve got to be a bit proactive and a bit innovative.

Get your phone out and put it to work – let’s all #TakeItOnline


Fox Emerson

Can we all make it okay and acceptable for people to reach out to us online just to say, “I’m lonely?” We’ve created a culture of loneliness and separation, that excludes us based on appearance. I’m in the centre of London but there are days when I feel alone.
If someone messages you online and says, “Hey, I need someone to talk to.” Don’t turn them away.
LGBTQI is a community, let’s stand behind it and be one

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