Unofficial Guide to Gay Coming Out of Closet

Coming Out as a GAY

Just come out! It sounds basic, yet it is not generally that simple. This guide can help you sort out when is the opportune time to come out. To companions, family, and colleagues. Above all, we should begin with the fundamentals. Please take all these suggestions as just some of many more options. There is no general rule. Except maybe one – you will have to accept your sexuality before you consider coming out to others. If you cannot accept your sexuality then it will make it very hard for others to do.

Significance of Coming Out to Yourself

Coming out is the cycle of accepting and tolerating your own sexuality before telling others. The coming out process is diverse for each individual. Some experience nervousness, torment, and anguish while others discover acknowledgment simpler and easier. You may likewise encounter dread, question, loneliness, outrage and even discouragement. That is the reason to encircle yourself with others that might be experiencing a similar progress or those who have just come out. They can be an incredible emotionally supportive network. Even reading this article might be helpful. Just remember one thing – being gay is natural thing in spite of the fact that only 10% of population share that sexual preference. Gay people are part of every profession, nationality, religion, political party…

Coming out to your family and friends

Subsequent to coming out to yourself, the following stage can be very troublesome. Sharing your sexuality with your friends and family and companions. One of the prevailing fears of coming out is the dread of dismissal from those we love. You may contemplate whether your family or companions will quit appreciating you. Some of loved ones might struggle to accept and tolerate someone much loved being a gay. Others are amazingly strong in their support and acceptance. You might find out that some of them “knew” before you have told them. Unlike some year ago, being gay is much more accepted and tolerated now. My partner and I regularly visit his parents as well as his sisters. Only one relative is a bit reserved but not unpleasant. Members of younger generation are even thinking it is very cool.

Coming out usually goes well. However, there is always a chance that things turn sour. Here are some suggestions how to manage dismissal from loved ones. First of all – maybe I should mention this earlier – I am not one of those that believe “coming out” is a must. It is not. Nothing is wrong with being closeted. At least for some time or in some places. The most important thing is – do not get obsessed with your sexuality. Being gay does not mean you must have feminine manners. It does not mean you have to pick only certain professions either. Do not allow yourself that discovery of your sexuality change you. Just relax and be yourself. There is nothing specific in manners, behavior or anything else for gay people.

Coming out at school

The average age of gay persons coming out has changed significantly in the past several decades. Depending on countries and societies it is happening much earlier now than some years ago. That means that generation of today’s teenagers will most probably come out as a gay during their school years. I guess it has very good but also some bad sides. I don’t want to sound as an old fart but I am (sort of) an old fart, so I will let myself freedom to express my honest opinion. People in their early teen age might not be in position to comprehend the whole process of coming out. I know that there are people who claim they knew they are gay before puberty. I believe them. However, I know many people who were not sure for some time, myself included.

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My first experiences in High School were with opposite sex. Not because “that is how it suppose to be”. Not at all. It was fun. However, almost all that time I knew that I find some guys attractive. I will be completely honest with you. Firstly I was scared of that thought. As far as I know, coming out as a gay in school was something rare for my generation. I think that important thing was the fact that I did not feel ashamed about that. At least not for long time. Coming out as a gay is certainly great thing. You don’t have to hide your feeling… However, we all have our secrets, straight people included. Well, that was my little (big) secret and I did not have problem with that. It even was some sort of fun. I was trying to figure out who else could be gay in my class and in my school.

Being gay is not taboo in schools any more

“Gay” is not the taboo word like it used to be. Everybody at school understands what it is. Regardless of the fact that they don’t have a clue who’s gay nearby. You may find that life at school will be better if you come out. This is advice I would not offer only several years ago. Things are changing and new generations (as those who are teenagers now) are much better in accepting non-heterosexual peers. You’ll feel good, and even become a good example for different children who are gay. Odds are you’re not by any means the only gay nearby. Coming out is the best way to find out? Depending on your personality  there are ways you can make your school more gay-accommodating.

In most western societies we have laws and practices that protect sexual minorities. However, laws and legislations cannot make our lives comfortable. As humans we are social animals and we need others in order to live normal lives. Do not rush things. Assess your environment in the school. Try to figure out who would be supportive and who would reject you. Is there anyone else that came out in your school? What was his/theirs experience? Doing this is part of your maturity building process. Regardless of laws and rules, you are part of a minority that has to deal with this delicate situation.

Bullying and Harassing

If you feel a strong urge to come out then ask yourself how far are you prepared to go in pushing back against those that will try to be unpleasant. They exist and they are around. Dealing with them is not going to be pleasant. However, it is possible. My point is – do not rely on laws and rules to protect you. The best protection must be yourself. Note – I am not talking about physical confrontation (though that is quite possible). I am talking about your mental and emotional strength. Work on it as it is good for more than just coming out. Life is not walk through the park and building your mental and emotional strength will make it easier.

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I will tell you my situation. I was in year 11 in High School when it happened. New student joined our class at the start of the school year. They moved from another town. He was quiet and never came out as a gay. However, he “looked like a gay” and became subject of first verbal and then physical abuse. I was not happy with some guys verbally abusing him but it did not upset me to a point of responding. Once they started being more up, close and personal in their harassment, I started feeling upset. These cowards always attack in group. One must know that level of their courage is equal to the level of courage of the weakest one in the group.

Make a stand – for yourself and for others – United we stand!

Well, I was not a stranger to having some of those typical school boys fights. Let’s put it this way – I was not just easy pushover. Once a small group of bullies started getting a bit rough to my classmate I was upset enough to step in. Half of the group stepped back after my verbal warning. I simply asked them to leave him alone. Two of them continued but only till I started walking towards them. Well, I was lucky. It could go the other way. I am not suggesting this to anyone though. However, when I look back at that incident I always think it was a good opportunity to come out. I wish I did.

Coming out at work

Bob will not quit discussing his girlfriend. George jokes about his fiancé’s new tattoo. Eric is amped up for another young lady he is dating. What is more, there you sit, tranquil, attempting to stay away from each friendly discussion since your tattle would be about another man, not a lady. In order for you to join in the man-to-man chat, you need to come out. Are you prepared to come out as a gay? Assuming you are, is there assurance for you as a worker?

There are some government laws that can help make your work environment a more acceptable climate. However, do not rely on these legal protections available in modern societies. Some workplaces are just not ready to accept gay people. You might be protected legally but it generally is not enough to make you feel comfortable. That judgement is completely up to you. You might be a manager or supervisor and gay. How would your employees respond to your coming out? Would that affect your authority and relationship with them? Take your time and make assessment. You can be sure of one thing – there will always be those who would not accept it no matter what. Is that important? It is up to you to decide.


Coming out to your doctor

There are explicit medical problems that gay men ought to be worried about. These are not generally pleasant to discuss with just anyone. It is simpler when your medical services supplier is either gay-accommodating or sensitive to LGBT issues. Discover how to locate a gay-accommodating medical care supplier and choose when it is the best an ideal opportunity to come out to your GP.

Important – You tend to engage in unprotected sex and need to start using PrEP. PrEP has been available under Australia’s subsidised Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme since April 2018 and all people living with HIV have been recommended to take treatment since 2015. This has resulted in rapid drops in new HIV diagnoses in 2017 and 2018, particularly new infections in gay men in inner cities. This is great news. To access these medications cheaply in Australia you need a Medicare card. You also need to see a doctor and have regular blood tests. IF YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH COMING OUT TO YOUR GP – GO TO THE NEEREST SEX CLINIC to get PrEP prescription. The same applies to regular testing.

How to handle your kid coming out to you?

This article is really targeting young gay people struggling to make decision about coming out and how to do it. However, once I have finished my scribbling I thought it might be good to say a sentence or two to parents. This bit is not from my personal experience but I feel compelled to share my view on that situation.

You speculate your child of being gay? How would you communicate with him about it? The way you handle his coming out to you is directly connected to his future prosperity. He needs your help during this troublesome time. It can help him to build confidence and certainty and improve his choices. Adopt a proactive strategy and talk with your child. Help him help himself. Make sure he feels comfortable to talk about his sexuality.

Find out how other parents handled this situation. Remember, being gay is not disease, mental or physical. Do not feel guilty – your son being gay is nobody’s mistake. Being gay is not mainstream but is not unnatural either. It is your child. Remember his birth, the first time you held him in your hands… Nothing really changed. He is the same boy you helped grow happily. Do not throw all those great moments away just because you worry what your neighbors will think about it.

This is not some sort of a disclaimer – it is still important to tell you that I am not medical professional or a qualified sexual educator. I feel sad when I see how many young gay people get kicked out of home after coming out. They deserve better. I am upset with some members of LGB community insisting that coming out is a must. It is not! Observe and test before you doing it.

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