How to get a boyfriend – Tips for gay teens

By Ellen Friedrichs

A lot of gay teens want to be in relationships and it is common for them to ask the question: “How can I get a boyfriend?”

For example, a gay teen from Louisiana says:

“I’m bi but I’m really not interested in dating girls right now. I just had three heartbreaking relationships in a row. I really want a boyfriend. No bi / gay guys around here. I’m 16 and live in South Louisiana. I’m ok with long distance and I’m really really attracted to goth and emo guys.”

For another teen, the problem has been holding different expectations than the guys he is meeting. 

“I’m so sick and tired of meeting guys online who don’t want a relationship. I want a boyfriend so much right now. I don’t know what I have to do. The internet seems to be the only avenue to find other gay people.”

These are just a few examples of guys looking for boyfriends taken from the many, many teens who have written into the LGBT site about wanting a relationship. One should also know that many serious relationships started as a casual encounters. To have a relationship (gay or straight), one needs to know his partner.

So what can these guys and others who want a boyfriend do about it? As you probably know, there is no “one-size-fits-all” formula for finding a gay boyfriend. But there are some tips that can help the relationship-minded teen get his guy.

Come Out 

If you are not out, then it is going to be a lot harder to meet guys who are gay. Plus, being out shows a certain level of confidence and confidence is really attractive to a lot of people. Again, you have to evaluate your situation and circumstances before coming out.

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Go for Guys Who Are Out

First of all, when your crush is openly gay, you at least know that he could be interested in you. Second, if you do get together, you won’t have to worry about hiding your relationship.

Go for a Guy Who Might Like You Back

Sometimes teens have huge crushes on people who are just never going to be a real possibility. Your homophobic classmate, straight crush, the guy with a serious boyfriend, or your gym teacher are not really who you should be setting your sights on if what you truly want is a boyfriend.

Put Yourself Out There

Start a gay/straight alliance. Or join a soccer team or the film club. Just do something so that you are forced to meet more people than the ones you already know.

Understand the Difficulties of Online Dating for gay teens

A lot of guys find their boyfriends online, and the Internet is a great tool for gay teens. But meeting someone over the Internet will be a little different than meeting someone in person. For example, a lot of people cast a wide net when trying to meet someone online and it is possible that the guy who seems so interested in getting to know you is also sending those messages to a bunch of other people. Plus, while people don’t always represent themselves honestly in real life, it is in some ways easier to claim to be someone you aren’t when you don’t meet in person.

Don’t Rush It

Most people spend some time dating and getting to know a potential partner before they decide to move into boyfriend mode.

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Now you might do all of this and still not have a boyfriend right away. Please don’t beat yourself or get too gloomy if that happens. A lot of teens of all sexual orientations want relationships and for some kids, it just happens sooner than it does for others.

Make Friends in the GLBT Teen Community

Feeling like you are the only gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender teen can be pretty awful. Most of us like to have a community that we can feel a part of and gay teens are no different. However, it can be tough stuff, finding other gay teens. But rest assured, it can be done. Whether you are hoping to meet friends, or interested in dating, it is likely someone else is in the same boat.

You can work on finding other gay teens locally, or you can use the internet to make connections with GLBT teens from all over. And while there are certain precautions you should take, both online or off, meeting people who get you, can be done.

Finding Friends in Your Area

The way you are going to go about making gay friends and finding other gay teens will depend somewhat on where you live. If you live in a large metropolitan area, it might be easier than if you are in a rural or suburban community.

But even if you don’t live in a city, don’t despair. A surprising number of smaller communities provide services for gay, lesbian and bisexual youth. There are a number of ways to go about finding other gay teens in your area!

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You can also contact your closest LGBT community center and ask if they offer any teen or youth programs.

How to Stay Safe?

Whether you meet someone online or at the local mall, there are some safety concerns that you need to keep in mind

Tips for Online Safety

  • Don’t give out personal information (like your full name, address, phone number).
  • Remember, not everyone is who they seem to be online. The 16-year-old girl who loves all the same bands as you and also fights about curfews with her mom might really be someone middle-aged, just looking for a laugh or worse.
  • If you agree to meet, do so in a public place! Better yet, in a public place and with a friend in tow.

General Safety Tips for gay teens

  • Be as upfront with your parents as possible! Always have a way for them to find you and make sure to call them if anything seems dicey.
  • Always tell someone who you are with and where you will be.
  • Trust your instincts. If something seems fishy or makes you uncomfortable, leave.
  • Your safety is way more important than the possibility of hurting someone else’s feelings.

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