Home Truths from within the Closet (for 2019)

An insight into the life of an LGBT Muslim

I’m writing this before having a coffee, so well- intentioned rant vibes may surface.

If you’re stuck in a rut, having so many conflicting thoughts wreaks havoc on the mind and body.

Your mind becomes cloudy.

Everyone is guilty of it.

But I found sometimes you just need a reality check if you want to keep moving.

These are a few things I’ve learnt:

1) PATIENCE does not mean what you think it does.

Just because the word patience is considered synonymous with endurance and resignation, it does not mean it’s consistent with those modes of thought. I always recognised patience as waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting…

But, for what?

I didn’t see a light and I didn’t know why. I then realised nothing was going to change if I continued to just “wait”.
I realised that when people told me to “exercise patience” in my position, they actually meant for me to accept my situation for what it was and is. They were encouraging me to accept what I could not change. Moreover, to use the resources around me to get myself into a better position and to grow. None of that could possibly happen by waiting.

To me, patience means to be within or surrounded by a sense of acceptance, calm and composure.

2) Human perfection is a toxic myth

There are times where the strong feel weak, where the selfless commit acts of selfishness, where the calm get angry, where the honest have lied and where the patient lose their sh*t.

And that’s okay.

When one begins to acknowledge that, they will find peace.

3) “Not trying” is a ticket to failure.

Failing is an arbitrary concept, it’s different for everyone. On the tail of low mood, I went through a short phase; a “what’s the point, I won’t get it anyway” phase.

That was my failure, and in my eyes, there’s the only kind of failure there is.

It dawned on me. If you’ve got a great business idea, or you want to run 10K, or you want to put energy into your relationship, or find happiness, or you just want to grow herbs in your back-garden… if you don’t try, it won’t happen.
It won’t happen.
It will NEVER happen.
Wave goodbye to that furry dream, buddy,
Because it will stay a dream

UNLESS you’re willing to try.

JUST TRY.

Let that sink in, because it hit me like a train.

A friend told me that “when you take a step, a bridge appears” and out of all of the words of wisdom I received, this STUCK. Trying is that step. And that bridge sure as heck appeared.

Maybe you won’t get what you want the first time, but nobody does. The strength to get the ball rolling is what builds your momentum to push on.

Comfy side anecdote: I watched Black Mirror – Bandersnatch. For those who haven’t seen it, it’s an interactive film that allows you to make choices during the film, prompting different storylines/endings, according to the decisions you’ve made. As I sat and watched, not giving much attention to my decisions, a friend of mine sat in horror, dwelling on her choices, not handling the “WHAT IF I CHOSE THE OTHER OPTION.. I NEEEEEED TO KNOW” vibe.

It made me think. One of the huge reasons we’re reluctant to try is because of fear of the unknown and the “what ifs”. Of course, life is not remotely comparable to an interactive movie, but in principle, the idea of “what if I had chosen this” is an anxiety-inducing thought that serves no purpose.

4) “Eventually” is not a healthy word.

The more I use this word, the more I’m subconsciously prolonging my plans.

So I don’t use it anymore.

5) Our judgement of one another is pretty inaccurate. Let sh!t go.

It is impossible to ever know another individual’s full story.
You know what you want to see/hear. You know what the other presents to you on a silver platter.
The rest? Well, that’s built upon our own past experiences, emotions and opinions on the world (not necessarily negative).

And with all of that, our mind builds it’s own picture.

Here’s the funky part: when you truly believe you know someone, think about conscious observation. One’s assumption about a person is actually a product of restricted perspective and mentally constructed boundaries created for that individual. Another person evaluating that individual has a fundamentally different perception of them. The human mind was built to create stories, and fill in the blanks according to our own needs. According to Sara Rosenquist, this comes through the tenancy to grasp onto “certainty”.

It’s not necessarily a bad thing, it’s human nature. But acknowledging inaccuracy or simply “not knowing” is OKAY and can truly ground people. Realizing this worked for me.

6) The world isn’t out to get you, your perception of the world is out to get you. 

Our perception of the world governs our actions. If you truly believe the world is conspiring against you, naturally you will forfeit control, leading to a viscous cycle of negativity.

Take responsibility for your actions and retain control.

Happy New Year.

Source: https://aclosetedmuslim.wordpress.com/2018/12/30/entry-6-home-truths-from-within-the-closet-for-2019/

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