Same Sex Marriage Will Not Solve Every Relationship Problem
Gay and lesbians who view the legalization of same sex marriage as the answer to all their relationship problems would do well to take a serious look at the shocking statistics on gay and lesbian infidelity.
Infidelity in one form or another, now affects close to 80% of all marriages or committed relationships today, regardless of sexual orientation. See Happy Husbands Cheat Too, and Even Good Marriages Are Susceptible to Infidelity
Gay and lesbian couples are not immune – in fact, based on the statics and research below, same sex couples may be more susceptible to infidelity than heterosexual couples. See 10 Innocent Actions that Can Lead to Infidelity
One of the developmental tasks of all adolescents is to establish productive relationships with their peer group and to understand and manage their sexuality. Dating provides fertile training ground for these teens for learning about themselves and how to establish and maintain healthy intimate relationships as they continue to mature and grow. Due to growing up in a homophobic society, most gay men as teenagers had to keep their sexualities hidden for fear of social backlash and further damage to their already shaky self-images. Some boys chose to distance themselves completely from dating, while others chose to date their female peers to more easily “fit in” and be accepted.
Fortunately, today’s generation of gay youth are experiencing slightly more liberal attitudes and acceptance from their peer group about being gay, but there’s still a long way to go. As a result, many gay men as adults remain perplexed and confused about how to date other men. Without training, education, and support, many gay men are forced to “wing it” as they mingle and mate with other men, leaving many of them unsatisfied with their dating experiences and wondering if they’ll ever find a loving partner to settle down with.
How to go about meeting other men in pursuit of their Mr. Right?
1. Live your life to the maximum! Creating a full life puts you in charge of your own happiness and puts less emphasis and dependency on finding a relationship to make you whole. You must be whole as a person first before a healthy relationship can be cultivated. Finding Mr. Right is not a full time job or a hunting expedition.
2. Know who you are, what your needs and values are, and what you stand for. Good relationship is made of compromises but some values should not be negotiated just because someone looks very attractive. People with considerably different values will find it very hard to create lasting and happy relationship. It only makes sense that the quiet boy in the corner becomes the object of affection for the life of the party. The law of opposites attract has always been finite, which means it may come with some difficulties when it is implemented. When the home-boy falls in love with the party boy, the struggle to strike a balance in this couple’s social life can be quite difficult. This is why both men need to value trust and independence above all.
4. Don’t confuse chemistry with compatibility. While that “chemical spark” is important, a person’s enduring qualities are what really help to lay the foundation for potential long-term relationship success.
5. Determine if you are really ready for a relationship and assess your true motives. One of the biggest relationship “sabotagers” is not being able to be fully present, being distracted by other needs or issues, and having other priorities that compete with the relationship. Some people need more attention than others. Some relationships work quite well even that both partners are devoted to things outside relationship (their profession, career etc) while others need to spend more time together, “doing things together” etc.
6. Don’t stay in a dating relationship that’s not working just for the sake of staving off loneliness or fearing hurting the other’s feelings! It simply cannot work in long term and will result in mutual frustration, frequent arguments and nobody will be happy. Break down is hurtful for both partners but it is better to be hurt for a little while after the break down than to be hurt every day for long period of time. Some relationships simple don’t work and cannot be repaired. If you start feeling like going away frequently then it might be time to – go away.
7. Don’t bail out of a dating relationship at the first sign of trouble! Relationships take hard work and conflict is actually a necessary precursor to deeper connection and intimacy. Assess what’s missing and what the barriers are and determine if negotiation is possible. There can be no growth without healthy conflict. Be prepared to make compromises but maintain your “red lines”. There is no relationship without conflicts – the question is what sort of conflict are we talking about.
8. You are both passive in bed. This little dilemma is one that doesn’t make itself evident until a few months into the relationship. After the excitement of the first kisses and the frantic, clumsy foreplay settles, you realize that neither of you is really the initiator when it comes to sex in a steady relationship. At first, you think it is because sex isn’t the only important factor to you both. But after one or two weeks go by, you realize that one of you is going to have to pull the trigger, if you are ever going to make this work. Luckily, this dilemma is an easy fix, if the rest of the relationship is going well. Communicate about what you want, make sex a priority, and discover that dominant side of yourself. This is one problem that can be very fun to solve. Complete incompatibility in bed is, however very hard to solve. Chances are that people completely incompatible (sexual role) will not manage even their first date and there will be no the second one.
9. If you’ve met the guy online and have never met in person, and if his entire chat so far has been about how amazingly hot you are and how amazingly much he’s into you and how he’s quite certain you’re the guy for him, he will hate you within 20 minutes of your date and you will never hear from him again. If you request an explanation, he will call you a stalker and block you from any social media sites you might share.