Regular readers will know that statistics are never the first place I turn when thinking about or trying to understand some aspect of sexuality. But since 2006 I have been compiling a yearly list of the most frequently accessed sex questions on About.com
It’s a completely unscientific sample, and may tell us more about search engines than people, but for your pseudoscientific, or plain old prurient pleasure, here are the questions readers were most interested in in 2015.
These ten questions are culled from the over 170 sex questions that I’ve answered on the About.com site. If you have a question and you can’t find it on the site feel free to email me. I can’t guarantee satisfaction, but I promise I’ll try my best.
Many people just say “it’s hard to describe.” Others say “you can’t know what it feels like until you feel it.” Neither answer is what this young man who wrote in is looking for.
“I am a virgin and I don’t know how it feels having sex. Is it the same feeling as masturbation? I’m nervous about my first time and think that if I knew more of what to expect that would help me be less nervous.“
Answer: I had been having sex with myself for years before I got to have it with someone else. While most of that sex involved fantasies about people and situations (e.g. me with the Flintstones, me in the Eight is Enough house, me and Raggedy Ann…I’m not saying it was pretty), some of the time I focused on trying to imagine what sex with another person would actually feel like.
Notice that what you call masturbation (a perfectly fine word) I describe as sex with myself. I do that intentionally, because I think that sex with ourselves and sex with others have more in common than we usually allow. When you have sex with yourself, if it’s good, your body goes through similar changes (interest, excitement, climax, relaxation) and your mind can turn inwards and focus on how sex feels in a way that we sometimes do when we’re having sex with other people. So I guess my first response to your question is to tell you that even alone, you have way more opportunities to learn about sex and be sexual than you may think you have.
But having sex by yourself isn’t the same as having another person in the room. I’m sure this is a totally unsatisfying answer but the truth is that until you do take that risk (because sex is always a risk; emotional, physical, spiritual) you won’t know what it’s like for you.
In case you’re the kind of person who only reads the first sentence of an answer, let me respond with a firm and loud: NO! No, anal sex doesn’t always hurt, in fact if you’re doing it properly it shouldn’t ever hurt. Even the first time.
The truth is that if you’re doing it right, no sex should ever hurt, unless you want it to. By doing it “right,” I don’t just mean the right technique. Doing it right also means paying attention to your body and knowing how to respond when you notice a change in how sexual stimulation is feeling.
If you’re feeling unwanted pain or discomfort, it’s a good sign that you need to slow down, stop or switch up what you’re doing.
As for anal sex, it’s true that a lot of people do experience some pain or discomfort the first time they have it or the first time they have it with a new partner. That’s mostly due, however, to a lack of communication, cooperation and often not enough lubrication. It isn’t because there is something inherent to anal sex that means it has to hurt.
When you’re having anal sex, or more specifically anal penetration, your sphincter muscles are being stretched. They are muscles, though, and as long as they are properly stretched, there is no harm in exercising them.
Safe and pleasurable anal sex requires you to be able to relax these muscles, not simply learn to tolerate the pain of them being stretched. If your technique is to grin and bear it, you aren’t having safe or pleasurable anal sex.
One of the easier sex questions to answer, although even this answer begins with a “no…but.”
Thankfully, this question, which is one I received 43 times in my first year as a guide (not from the same person) is one of the easier sex questions to answer. And of course the answer is yes…and no.
Penis pumps will absolutely make your penis bigger, temporarily. Penis pumps create a vacuum effect that draws blood into the penis, which in most cases will result in an erection. Given that an erection is bigger than a flaccid penis, it’s true that penis pumps “make” the penis bigger.
But only while they are on over the penis. And this can get in the way of things.
The only published study that has examined the effectiveness of penis pumps at permanent enlargement found the claims of thousands of ads, websites, and “real” guys who promise permanent size gains to be puffed up, just a lot of hot air.
This is the second question about anal sex on this year’s list, and a theme is emerging. Of course any kind of sex can be dangerous. Any kind of singing can be dangerous too, if you do it wrecklessly. But that doesn’t mean we should all stop singing. Or having anal sex. I mean, those who are already having it, of course.
You don’t need to dig around too deep to read about someone’s anal sex horror story. There are tales of peoples asses falling out, people needing adult diapers for the rest of their lives, even people dying as the result of anal sex. I suppose it’s true, any of these things could happen. But they don’t happen because someone had anal sex, they happen because someone had dangerous anal sex. There’s a difference.
Anal sex, and anal play more generally, can be completely safe and have no bad effects on your body whether it’s your first or 101st time. That said, there are some unique risks that come with anal sex that you need to know about in order to prevent them from happening to you.
Please use this LINK to read the original article from one of my favourite authors on sex topic in full.